Ten months ago, I walked into a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class as a total beginner. I had over 20 years of Muay Thai training under my belt, but I wanted something new. Something that would take me out of my comfort zone. I wanted to feel challenged again. To not know the answer. To build strength through vulnerability (which, it turns out, is much easier to talk about than to actually do). I wanted to challenge my body and mind in a totally different way.

BJJ is a grappling sport. The goal? Get your opponent to the ground, control them, and submit them with a choke or joint lock. Sounds intense—and it is—but here’s the kicker: it’s not about brute strength. BJJ is more like sweaty, full-contact chess. You’re tangled up in limbs, trying to figure out which way is up while someone is crushing you under their weight. And honestly? I thought, Yep, I’ll take that challenge.

BJJ is wildly humbling. There’s a saying in BJJ: “You either win, or you learn.” Let me tell you, I’ve been doing a lot of learning.

What I didn’t expect was how much BJJ would mirror leadership—especially leadership for women in male-dominated industries. Spoiler alert: it’s messy, frustrating, exhausting—and totally worth it.

For starters: learning BJJ as a 53yo woman is a total lesson in humility. I’ve been arm-barred, triangled, and folded in half more times than I care to count. But every now and then, I’ll surprise myself. There are moments when my body knows exactly what to do, even though my brain is stuck in over-thinking. Those small victories? They feel huge. Like getting a tiny stripe on your belt that says, “Hey, you’re still here. You’re still growing.”

Here are the lessons BJJ has taught me about leadership—particularly for women finding their way in spaces that weren’t made for us:

Leadership—especially as a woman in spaces not designed with you in mind—feels a lot like this. You get underestimated. Talked over. Challenged. Sometimes outright ignored. There are moments you feel pinned, like you can’t breathe. But you learn to stay calm under pressure. You learn to pick your moment. You learn that just because someone is louder doesn’t mean they’re right. And that most of the magic happens when you’re uncomfortable and still moving forward.

Take up space.
Don’t shrink to make others comfortable. Whether on the mat or in a meeting, the space belongs to you, too. Own it.

Mastery takes time.
As a white belt, no one expects you to have all the answers right away. Stripe by stripe, rep by rep, progress happens. And for those of us in leadership positions, this is a reminder: just because someone makes it look easy doesn’t mean it is. They’ve just failed more times than we have. Their expertise is a result of experience. So, relax, listen and keep asking questions.

Fail. A lot.
Tap out. Learn. Reset. Mistakes aren’t weaknesses—they’re part of the process. There are no participation ribbons in BJJ. You know when you’re improving—and when you’re not. Every roll shows you where you are in real time. It’s frustrating, yes, but it’s also weirdly motivating. The only way to move forward? Show up. Every time. On the mat. In the room. At the table.

Your way is the right way. Not every move works for every body. The same goes for leadership. What works for them might not work for you—and that’s not a flaw, that’s wisdom.

Stay calm under pressure.
If you panic, you lose. Breathe. Think. Move. In BJJ, just when you think you’ve got something figured out, the landscape shifts again. Leadership is the same. Your job? Adapt. Keep going. Growth happens when you get uncomfortable.

Celebrate the small wins.
A good grip. A held boundary. A moment of clarity. These are not small things. In leadership, those quiet wins are just as important as the big ones.

Choose good partners.
Whether on the mat or in the boardroom, you need people who support your growth—not just their own agenda. In BJJ, you’re constantly paired with different skill levels, body types, and personalities. It’s the same in leadership: just when you think you’ve got things figured out, your team throws a curveball. Adapt. Learn. Grow.

Resilience is key.
In BJJ and leadership, resilience isn’t about pretending you’re unaffected by the bumps and bruises. It’s about showing up anyway—especially when you’re doubting yourself. Especially when your metaphorical (or literal) face is being smooshed into the mat, and your options are running out. It’s about continuing—uncomfortable, messy, and all.

And here’s the truth I keep bumping up against, both in BJJ and leadership: the line of progress is never straight. There are days when I feel strong and clear and capable, and days when I’m confused, stuck, and wondering how to escape someone’s side-control. The key is to keep showing up. Keep rolling. Keep adjusting. That’s where the growth lives.

Every now and then, something clicks. A move lands. A reaction slows just enough to make room for a better choice (or a sneaky sweep). Leadership is the same: suddenly, you respond with clarity, not reactivity. You pause before reacting. You see the bigger picture. You choose wisely. These are the quiet victories—the stripes on your belt, the deep breath before a big meeting, the “no” you say with conviction

So no, I’m not trying to become a world champion (though I would love to earn a black belt some day). I’m just trying to be a little more skilled, a little braver, and a little more me—on the mat and off.

And that, to me, is what leadership looks like.
Messy. Brave. Repetitive. Full of feedback. Occasionally hilarious.
And always, always worth it.